Dear Madeleine,

Sorry it has been such a long time since I wrote to you. You have survived your first family Christmas and are in your first New Year. There have been so many changes, it seems incredible.

You babble now. You have no freaking clue what you are saying but it still warms that cockles of your daddy's heart when we hear "Dadadadada" through the monitor. You are mastering many different syllable combinations however, "Mama" is not one of them. I am trying to train you to say it but you just smile at me coyly and laugh, flapping you little arms like bird wings. Mommy's frustration amuses you greatly.

You are also a pro at rolling from your back to your little belly. Every time we put you to sleep on you back like good parents you immediately roll to your side and curl up in a little ball of cuteness. Then when you wake up, in a fit of anger, you thrust yourself onto your little belly and scream bloody murder until we roll you back over.

You have begun to use your little chubby arms to push your whole torso off the floor and you can scoot your little body in a little circle, especially if a toy you want is just out of reach. And can I add that as much as you enjoy your toys much of the time your would prefer my cell phone, or the remote, or a receipt from Target. Needless to say I have been doing a lot of cleaning lately. There is no telling when you will begin to crawl and attempt to put anything that isn't nailed to the ground into your mouth.

You have such a sweet disposition. You are very loving and cuddly and you enjoy being held when you are sleepy. You do not like being put into your crib but if I let you hold my hand for a while your usually fall right to sleep. You love smiling and playing. You cry when your daddy and I leave a room and your face lights up like our non-existent Christmas tree when we appear again.

There is no limit to how much I enjoy spending time with you. You are endlessly entertaining, everything you do is new and exciting for me and every face you make is precious and worthy of being photographed. I can't believe how much you are growing. Six months seems like such a long time but it has gone by in a flash.

We couldn't love you more my little M-meister. Please get over that little cold you have because it breaks mommy's heart to see you suffer.

All my love,

Mommy

Dear Madeleine,

You have had a busy couple of days. On Saturday your Aunties Lauren and Hannah came to visit you. They brought with them your little bouncer seat and I am pretty positive it was the most exciting moment of your little life. We put you in that glorious jungle themed bouncy chair and at first you looked confused, then you started to get it, and then it was ninety minutes of pure glee. You squealed and bounced and drooled and then you literally soiled yourself... well that last part happens pretty often but still, you love your new toy.

You decided you wanted to stay up late with the girls and boy was daddy surprised to see your smiling face when he got home from work at one in the morning. We finally got you to sleep but even that was cut short when, in the morning, your daddy called after he had left the eight o'clock mass to ask if I wanted anything from McDonald's. Once you heard his voice it was all over and you decided your day had begun.

That left me with one tired baby at Life Teen. You screamed almost the whole time Callie was babysitting you while mommy worked. When I finally got you back in my arms after Life Night was over you smiled at me, your little blue eyes filled with tears and relief, and promptly fell asleep. You didn't wake up when I put you in your car seat, when I carried you in your car seat into the house, when I watched Desperate Housewives, when I took a bath, when I carried you still in your car seat into the bed room, and eventually when I moved you from your car seat into your bed. You didn't even eat your normal hefty helping of baby food and momma's milk. You were exhausted.

Today we had a pretty normal day. We played, went to the bank, you took a short nap, and then we played some more. I made funny faces at you, you attempted to remove the hair from my head. Even as you cause me tremendous physical pain I still adore you.

See, sweet love, when I look at you I still cannot believe that you are mine. I always dreamed of having a daughter but I never imagined having a little girl as wonderful and beautiful as you. I never imagined I could love someone with such a ferocity, not because of anything you have done but simply because you exist. And everything you do just makes me love you more, little one.

Tonight your Auntie Hannah got her heart broken by a stupid boy. I dread the day when a boy breaks your heart. I pray that you are able to come to me or your daddy and cry or talk but if you can't, you can always go to your Aunties. They are amazing women and they will be there for you. But if a boy breaks your heart, maybe you shouldn't tell your daddy. He may try to light his house on fire or something. We both love you very, very much.

Right now though you are sleeping sweetly in your crib and those concerns are far away in the future. I want to cherish you right now so you will know just how special you are so when that boy hurts you, you will know that you deserve better.

I love you so much my little sweetheart.

Kisses on your chubby cheeks,

Mommy

Dear Madeleine,

On the long laundry list of mistakes I have already made in my short time as a mother I am going to add the car seat I bought you. Why, you ask. Is it unsafe? No. Is it ugly? No.

It's blue.

Today we took a trip to Target to take advantage of a sale on baby food and to buy a new "Gucky Jar" for your pacifiers. You were dressed in an adorable green, pink, and white pair of pajamas and were smiling like crazy as I steered the cart around the store, carefully avoiding any isle on which I would find something unnecessary that I would be tempted to buy. Your little car seat sits perfectly in the Target carriages and I get to stare at your beautiful little face as I do my errands, a blessing that often distracts me to the point where I wheel you into an unsuspecting display... or person.

Anyway, as we were checking out an old lady came up to you and called you "a handsome little fellow".

Um.

Excuse me?

I gathered myself, pushed the image of my ramming the carriage into her over and over out of my mind, and smiled saying, "She's a girl."

"Oh, well the car seat is blue."

CONTEXT CLUES PEOPLE. Notice the pink blanket, and the pink gucky, and the bow, AND THE PINK PAJAMAS.

I mean really, what if I walked up to her and said, "Happy 100th Birthday." And she said, "I'm not 100." And I said back to her, "Well, you look old so I just thought."

Not to go on a random tangent but this is one of the reasons I want to get your little ears pierced. You would look so adorable with little earings but first I want to make sure you aren't prone to ear infections. But if this winter comes and goes and the doctor gives us the all clear your little lobes are going to be sporting some major bling. And your Houston relatives are just going to have to live with it. I'm sure I'll annoy my side of the fmaily too with some other decision I make in raising you (my OWN daughter) too, so it will all even out in the end.

And if, after your ears are pierced, someone calls you a boy again I will have no more faith in the world.

So I apologize for the blue car seat. I should have gone with green or black or red. I will never make that mistake again.

I also apologize for tummy time. See, during your first four months I spoiled you rotten, never put you down and then when you hadn't rolled over yet I panicked and started doing tummy time all the time. You've rolled over but only once. It's like you were saying, "Look mom, I can do this. Now knock it off and hold me." I swear I put you down and you cry and make this horrible noise that either sounds like a goat in labor or "WHHHHHYYYY?" depending on the day. It's like you know that this will make me pick you up and even though you CAN ROLL OVER you would rather be held. Baby Geniuses doesn't seem like such a stupid movie anymore.

But today was a nice day, we took a long nap together, you still strapped in your car seat me on the couch (there goes that Mother of the Year award) but after the last few days were so rough I think we deserved it.

I love you sweet little girl. Thank you for another beautiful day,

Love,

Mommy

Dear Madeleine,

You are finally asleep. Finally. Asleep. Praise the Lord.

Now, I must admit I am a bit spoiled because you, oh perfect infant, are an incredible sleeper. I think your daddy and I have had about one rough night of sleep since you came home from the hospital and that was because you couldn't figure out breastfeeding and were hungry and we were scared to let you sleep with a pacifier in your mouth (oh naive first time parents, wonderful pacifier of love!).

Today, however, my love, you decided that nap time was not an option. You were in a GREAT MOOD all day long. Yanking my hair out of my head and cooing, throwing your toys on the floor and cooing, eating and cooing. And then cooing. I loved your wonderful mood. You have the most precious smile in the world and you light up my life with everything you do but today I could have used nap time.

I got fired yesterday, or laid off from my job. Whatever you want to call it. The parish didn't have enough money to keep me on as a youth minister anymore and while being a full time stay-at-home mommy is my absolute ideal, I also enjoy paying bills and eating food. And those things require money.

So my plan for the day was to stay home, drink hot coco, watch a movie, and clean. A simple plan to distract me from the mess of losing my job. You, however, seemed to know what mommy really needed was your unconditional love and to remember that to you and to daddy, I am important.

I feel like moms shouldn't need reminders like that. I should be confident and in control, but when I walked into your room after one of my many attempts to put you to bed had failed, and you smiled at me like my being there made you the happiest baby in the world... well I just cried. I picked you up and held you and cried because I have the most beautiful daughter in the world, the most wonderful, loving husband, and my life is good.

I thank God for giving you to me as my daughter. You manage to lift my heart and soul to God at the same time as being my gravity and keeping my feet on the ground. I hope I can be a strong momma for you and give you everything you need. As for what you give me, your patience and love are all I need.

Love you bunches,

Mommy