Dear Madeleine,

You are finally asleep. Finally. Asleep. Praise the Lord.

Now, I must admit I am a bit spoiled because you, oh perfect infant, are an incredible sleeper. I think your daddy and I have had about one rough night of sleep since you came home from the hospital and that was because you couldn't figure out breastfeeding and were hungry and we were scared to let you sleep with a pacifier in your mouth (oh naive first time parents, wonderful pacifier of love!).

Today, however, my love, you decided that nap time was not an option. You were in a GREAT MOOD all day long. Yanking my hair out of my head and cooing, throwing your toys on the floor and cooing, eating and cooing. And then cooing. I loved your wonderful mood. You have the most precious smile in the world and you light up my life with everything you do but today I could have used nap time.

I got fired yesterday, or laid off from my job. Whatever you want to call it. The parish didn't have enough money to keep me on as a youth minister anymore and while being a full time stay-at-home mommy is my absolute ideal, I also enjoy paying bills and eating food. And those things require money.

So my plan for the day was to stay home, drink hot coco, watch a movie, and clean. A simple plan to distract me from the mess of losing my job. You, however, seemed to know what mommy really needed was your unconditional love and to remember that to you and to daddy, I am important.

I feel like moms shouldn't need reminders like that. I should be confident and in control, but when I walked into your room after one of my many attempts to put you to bed had failed, and you smiled at me like my being there made you the happiest baby in the world... well I just cried. I picked you up and held you and cried because I have the most beautiful daughter in the world, the most wonderful, loving husband, and my life is good.

I thank God for giving you to me as my daughter. You manage to lift my heart and soul to God at the same time as being my gravity and keeping my feet on the ground. I hope I can be a strong momma for you and give you everything you need. As for what you give me, your patience and love are all I need.

Love you bunches,

Mommy